Scab Pug

Yes I'm talking about you - pug - who less than stealthly shadows my every move after I've been to the fridge to get supplies. Stop stalking me daft pug lest I aim a swift kick to your ample abdomen or cruelly chant 'nyar nyar ny nyar nar!' because I reign supreme on  the contents of my fridge and I alone decide whether or not you gain anything from your immediate response to the fact that I've opened it.

Scab pug - cease and desist, I'm not going to give you anything because you are already in the obese toy breed category without even trying and believe it or not we actually want you to live a long life because damn it we love your ugly mug with all our heart!

You can stare up at me with all your might with those huge bulbous eyes and that 'am I not pretty enough' gaze and I tell you pug - no, you are not pretty enough for me to allow to eat yourself to death despite your constant attempts - you've destroyed everything that was previously good and pure in our back room down to the architraves that you've so unceremoniously chewed to bits, our venetian blinds now lie haphazardly in your wake and damn it no, I'm not going to reward you for doing that.

Stop stalking me! ok, you have hypnotic eyes that not unlike the mona lisa follow you about the room (although I hasten to add that the Mona Lisa actually follows you in one direction) you seriously are one cute pug with your deformed tail the breeder said would curl up anytime soon - any time soon? we've been asked on several occasions why we had your tail docked - we didn't and never would have, it's just an extra small pug tail that isn't long enough to curl around.....

yet you're still a scab - a regal breed, bred for kings and queens of yester lore, bred for the queens of today yet we love you still.. You bloody expensive piece of dogmanity you are  - a pug isn't for the faint of pocket, as ugly as you'd have it they reign supreme as the 'ugly pet is the new black' regime would have it.